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reblog with 9818 notes
reblog with 9818 notes
reblog with 13156 notes
“promise me you will never give up on yourself or your dream. you will never settle for love that doesn’t rob you of your sleep. promise me you will dance until your feet give out, and you will laugh until waterfalls pour from your eyes. promise me you will never stop growing, never stop searching. evolving. promise me you will put your needs first. above all, promise me you will always choose to love yourself first.”
— us, a collection of poetry (kiana azizian)
Summary: You get into an argument with Josh Sanderson and end up revealing your feelings for him.
Word Count: 1,900+
Notes: I’m only following the movie version of TATBILB. I haven’t read the book yet, so if there’s a scene revealing what Josh does after his confrontation with Peter, I’m sorry I had no idea lol
~ ALSO, please send in your requests for what you want me to write next! <3
You had known Josh Sanderson since freshman year. You were just acquaintances through mutual friends like Lara Jean and Chris, only acknowledging each other when passing through the halls or during study group with the girls. It wasn’t until the start of your junior year did you start getting closer to him.
It began when you were both assigned as permanent lab partners and sat next to each other in chemistry class. You were quite shy and quiet and so was Josh at first, but eventually, he always loved to start up a conversation with you. And because he had just broken up with Margot, he also opened himself up about it to you. Then, Lara Jean started dating Peter Kavinsky and began distancing herself from him because of the letters. They no longer hung out or talked, so Josh was always with you.
He drove you home from school, ate lunch with you on the bleachers, and did homework with you. Whenever you had free time, which was a lot, you were at his house hanging out. You told each other everything. You were closer with Josh than you were with Lara Jean.
It wasn’t until Josh started worrying about the love letter Lara Jean wrote him that you realized your feelings for him. He had brought it up in the past, but you didn’t notice the ache in your chest building up until it hurt. It was so bad that your insecurities assured you that he had developed feelings for LJ the more he mentioned it.
You didn’t want to hurt anymore. You had to shake away this feeling, so you distanced yourself from Josh a little. Of course, you still hung out occasionally, but you started to confide in Chris, because who else were you going to talk about your feelings to? Definitely not Josh.
Right now, you were in Josh’s bedroom. You had declined his offers to come over in the past, but because you missed him too, you gave in to his begging.
You were currently looking out his window, waiting patiently for him to return. You had been playing video games with him, but he left as soon as he heard the commotion outside. You watched him next to Lara Jean, arguing with Peter Kavinsky.
“She asked you to leave, buddy,” Josh stepped up to them.
Lara Jean turned, “Josh, I’m fine. Go back inside.”
“No, it’s alright.”
“No, no, no, no. Are you serious right now?” Peter frowned, “This isn’t about Gen and me at all, no, this is about you and Josh. Are you kidding me? This is the reason you broke up with me?”
Your eyes flashed over to the Covey’s front door as it opened, and Kitty and Margot appeared. Margot’s home? You started to worry if Josh would get hung up on her again if he saw her.
“You’re still in love with this Bon Iver wannabe?”
“If Lara Jean broke up with you, it’s probably because she’s coming to the life-altering revelation that she’s too good for you!”
Margot’s face quickly turned from concerned to heartbroken, “You’re in love with Josh?”
“Margot, no…” Lara Jean ran after her. You felt bad for her and had the urge to comfort her like you did in the past, but it had been a while since you two really talked, so you didn’t butt in.
Suddenly the bedroom door whipped open, and Josh began pacing back and forth, “Margot’s back.”
“I know I saw,” you cross your arms and sit on the edge of his bed.
“Should… Should I maybe go talk to her?”
Nuh uh, not a good idea. Not only did you think it was stupid for him to do that, it admittedly bothered you if he went to back to her.
“Josh, she hasn’t spoken to you since the summer.”
“Yea, I know, I know, but—”
His pacing started to worry you, “Josh, shut up and sit down.”
He sighed, “Fine,” and sat next to you on the bed.
“Why are you freaking out?” you asked.
“I don’t know, Y/N.”
His answer started up a feeling of insecurity in your stomach. You were afraid he still had feelings for Margot.
He continued, “Peter and Lara Jean were just—”
“Lara Jean?” you frowned slightly.
Great, he’s still on Lara Jean, too?
Josh always found a way to bring up Lara Jean. He would both complain about her and miss her at the same time. You always had a feeling he had confused feelings about Lara Jean and Margot, but you never dared to ask for you knew what the answer would be. It was obvious with the way he spoke about them. He clearly had feelings for the Covey sisters, his best friend and ex-girlfriend. Who wouldn’t? You thought they were beautiful compared to you. They were colorful, unique, and quirky, while you were just plain and simple Y/N. You knew Josh would never reciprocate the feelings you had for him. You were sure you would be forever in the friend-zone with him.
However, you were tired of hearing Josh rant about them. Sure, you wanted to listen and help him with his problems, but once you realized of your jealousy, you were over it.
“Yea, she—”
You groaned and fell back onto the bed, “Ugh, I’m tired of hearing you talk about them.”
“What?” he looked down at you and raised a brow.
“You talk about them all the time!”
“Wow,” he frowned and crossed his arms, “I didn’t know you had these feelings.”
You rolled your eyes and shrugged, “Yea? Well, it’s tiring.”
“Jeez, my mind is blown, right now,” he made the ‘explosion’ gesture, “Why haven’t you told me about this?”
“Because I care about you, and I don’t wanna hurt your feelings, Josh, duh.”
This was a lie. It was your feelings that you didn’t want to get hurt.
He scoffed and stood up, “Well, consider my feelings hurt, Y/N. All this time we were opening up to one another, you’ve been hiding this.”
You lift yourself onto your elbows, “Look, Josh, what happened to ‘telling people how you feel when you feel it’? I’m doing it right now.” Gosh, we’re both hypocrites. “I think you if have all these feelings for Lara Jean and Margot—”
His face scrunched up, “Wait a minute, what do you mean ‘feelings for Lara Jean and Margot’?”
“You know,” you rolled your eyes.
“Excuse me, I really don’t.”
“Do I have to spell it out for you? Your feelings! The fact that you like both of them, dumbass.”
His face contorted and gave you most confused look. He stepped closer, “What? What makes you think I have feelings for them?”
“Yes, you do! Josh, you always talk about them. You always talk about the ‘good old days’ with Margot and complain about LJ and Peter. And then, at the same damn time, you sob about how much you miss the both of them!” you let your head fall back onto the bed, sighing, “It’s annoying.”
The second the words left your mouth, you immediately regretted it.
“Is this why we haven’t been hanging out, Y/N? You’ve been avoiding me?”
You felt a pang of guilt rush through you.
“I thought we were closer than that! Th-that we could tell each other anything and talk things through,” he shrugged, “But now I see you’ve been keeping secrets. What else are you hiding, Y/N?”
Oh, nothing…just the fact that I have a big, fat crush on you…no big deal.
Your sudden outburst had used up all your confident anger that you were starting to want to shrivel up under the sheets. The second he started raising his voice, you felt guilty. “Nothing,” you spoke softer.
“God, you’re such a bad liar, Y/N,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “Tell me.”
“No.”
“Y/N,” he stepped closer as his voice raised in frustration, “Common, tell me.”
“No, Josh! I won’t. It’s between me and Chris only.”
Revealing your feelings for Josh was not an option. You could ruin your friendship with him — make things awkward, or worse: lose him.
“Y/N, tell me what you told her!”
“Stop, Josh, no!” you grabbed his pillow and hugged it, putting it over your head again.
“Say it!”
“No!” you groaned as you grip on the pillow tightened.
“Y/N—”
Your arms swung and hit your lap with the pillow, “OKAY!” you glared, “It’s about you, you jerk!” You brought the pillow back over your face.
Josh’s face softened in realization. He walked over to you and you felt the bed dip down as he sat. You pulled the pillow down a bit, peaking up at him.
The corners of his mouth curved upwards, “You talking shit about me, Y/N?”
He wasn’t stupid. He knew you were too nice to bad mouth anyone, let alone him. He knew what you meant. However, you still wanted to wipe that smirk off his face. “All the time,” you roll your eyes.
“Y/N, why were you talking to Chris about me?” he spoke softly.
“You seem like you already know why,” you huffed.
“Please, tell me,” he placed a hand on yours.
Your eyes stared at the gesture. You were definitely not expecting that. The butterflies in your stomach multiplied, making your face heat up. You didn’t know what to think or how to react to him.
“Y-You just want me to say it, don’t you?” you whispered.
His shrugged, “…maybe.”
It’s now or never. The cat was out of the bag. Josh knew. You couldn’t turn back time, so you might as well just let it all out.
“Fine,” you sighed and squeezed your eyes tight, “I like you.”
Josh’s smile widened as he grabbed the pillow, chucked it to the floor, and took your hands. He pulled you back up to sit straight, “You like me?”
You nodded, directing your gaze away from him and at your hands together, “It doesn’t matter though.”
“Why is that?”
You look up at him with a hint of sadness on your face, “Because, Josh. You still have weird feelings for Margot and Lara Jean.”
He chuckled, “Y/N, are you that oblivious?” “Huh?” you raised a brow. “I don’t have feelings for them, moron. Yea, I used to love Margot, but she left.”
“But Lara Jean—”
“I’ve only been talking about her because I’m upset that I lost my best friend. I’ve never had feelings for her. She’s Margot’s sister. Plus, Lara Jean’s clearly into Peter,” he started running his thumbs across your hands, which flustered you.
“But 10 minutes ago you just asked whether or not you should see Margot.”
“Yea, because I wasn’t sure whether or not it was a good idea if I should clear things up with her that I don’t. like. Lara Jean.”
“But Josh—”
“God, you’re really cute when you’re stubborn,” Josh then grabbed your shoulders and planted his lips on yours.
Fireworks. Your eyes remained open in surprise the first second but slowly closed as soon as you both got into the rhythm of the kiss. His lips were warm and soft against yours, and the kiss was slow.
I’m kissing Josh Sanderson, right now.
Josh pulled away slightly, but gave you another quick kiss before leaning his forehead onto yours, “You still think I have feelings for the Covey sisters, Y/N?” he grinned.
You smiled, blushing.
“Why do you think I always want to hang out with you, Y/N?” he caresses your cheek, “Because I like you. Only you, Y/N.”
“So much for ‘telling people how you feel when you feel it,” you laughed and he kissed you again.
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